Currently...

So what do you do when you open yourself up to feel again?

To feel what you said you'd never feel again, only to have the person you feel "IT" for completely ignore you?

I have absolutely no clue. For the past few months I've been on this journey to self-realization, to find myself after i completely lost who I was by loving someone who never loved me. I've been good, exceptionally great most of the times but there were times that I felt absolutely awful, numb even. Because I just couldn't understand how you could tell someone you love them repeatedly and they consciously ignore you, ignore the fact. And every time I thought about it, it broke me over and over again, so I have been trying to let go, to be free, to purge my soul of "Him". And at one point I did think it would never happen until I met this other guy some time ago.  Each day I would look forward to talking to him, because although he didn't know he was a breath of fresh air for me while I was gasping for air to survive the turmoil of my life. Unfortunately for me, I'm a hopeless romantic who promised herself that she would never feel anything for anyone again. So I'm guessing you all probably figured out that was not going to happen, I liked him. A lot, a whole big lot. But nothing ever works out for me in the relationship department, for whatever reason I don't know; only God can answer that. It is unfortunate how quickly I care for people and the fact that once I declare my feelings for you they take over the emotional aspect of my life. Everyone struggles with their own demons and to say you want a person without emotional or physical baggage is like saying you want a world without war, which is really impossible and naive of you. He is such a wonderful person and he wants to help everybody through their issues, but he doesn't expect the same treatment for himself. He'd rather struggle through it by himself and it's so sad and I honestly don't know what to do because I'm undoubtedly setting myself up for heartbreak and the risk is higher because I allowed myself to let that wound be opened back up. And here I sit, legs crossed, pillow on my lap with a laptop on top if pouring my heart out, and here I thought that things would go well. He has royally ignored me for the past week and I must say that it hurt like hell, like beautiful hell. And I'm utterly shell shocked because I have no clue how to approach the situation to make it better because he won't let me in

SO WHAT DO I NOW?

There is no "OFF" switch for feelings, so turning them off would not be an option and I can’t think of any other plausible options right now, so what in God's name do i do?

I really did wish, we got a script for our lives when we born on how to handle certain things because it sure would come in handy right now. I have so much thoughts in my head and I'm so blank at the same time. So with so much more to say but not knowing how to say it, I end this post much more confused and hurt than how I eventually started out. i know this may not be helpful but I really needed to vent. 

Bye guys. 

-D