Unending Thoughts

So what do you do when you open yourself up to feel again? To feel what you said you'd never feel again, only to have the person you feel " IT"  for completely ignore you? I have absolutely no clue. For the past few months I've been on this journey to self-realization, to find myself after i completely lost who I was by loving someone who never loved me. I've been good, exceptionally great most of the times but there were times that I felt absolutely awful, numb even. Because I just couldn't understand how you could tell someone you love them repeatedly and they consciously ignore you, ignore the fact. And every time I thought about it, it broke me over and over again, so I have been trying to let go, to be free, to purge my soul of " Him". And at one point I did think it would never happen until I met this other guy some time ago.  Each day I would look forward to talking to him, because although he didn't know he was a breath of fresh a

Many of us dream of the day when we can find someone who we want to share the rest of our lives with and have the feeling reciprocated. But what we dont bargain for is the effort, time, blood, sweat and tears that we have to invest in that person and relationship to make it great. Often we get caught up in things that look rather grave and important, which may seem highly detrimental to the success of the relationship. And when you check it out they may not be as great but more mediocre than you led your mind to believe;  sometimes our minds gives us this terrible illusion that there MUST be struggle in our relationships and that is not necessarily true. You dont need to fight everyday to keep you on your toes in the relationship or to add spice and variety to it, if thats what other couples do and its been working for years for them, well good for them. The problem comes in when you try to imitate that, you fail to realize that no two persons are the same, your friends relationship wi

People always tell you that if someone is hurting you badly you should let go, but what they dont tell you is how to let go. Lets be honest if you've loved this person for over 3 years and you knew all along that he ain't acting right but you still love him anyway. But you've reached this point where you can't take it anymore, you've been broken so many times and you believe that you can no longer love him because loving him means breaking yourself more each day and you'll become your own destruction because of this fatal one sided love. Shouldn't the red flags have made themselves noticeable a long time ago? And even if they were noticeable, did you purposely ignore them? When do you draw the line on the amount of hurt you will take? There are times when you honestly dont know why you love him, but you see him and all doubts flow away until he leaves your presence but stays in your mind to haunt you with "whys" for another day. How do you know wh

It's said that we all choose our poison and majority of us would choose no other way to be crippled emotionally than through said poison. But what if i told you that you never had to pick poison, you will never be able to transform that poison into an antidote its always going to be poison. If you dont understand what exactly im talking about its the same guy you've been trying to convert into the man you hope he will become if you stick through it long enough; but is he really changing? No, he does not need a little bit more love, No , he's not going through a phase (a phase doesn't last for 4  years honey) and hell no he doesn't need a little bit more time to see the wonderful girl/woman he has in his life. It'll never change, he wont wake up one day and realize that he's been an ass to you for the majority of your relationship. You picked poison, and obviously its working on you ; no amount of convincing yourself that you'll be immune to the poison wi

How do you know that you aren't dating his potential rather than his actuality? Come on, lets be serious, sure you love him but what exactly is it that gives you the chills, the increased beating of your heart and the beautiful stuttering that comes when you attempt to speak with him? Is it the way how in the moment he makes you feel as if no one else in the world matters when you're both alone? or is it how he blatantly ignores you in public? And it may also be the way in which in the throes of lust and passion he wants you like no other and pays keen attention and effort into making you feel an ecstasy that can only be found in romance novels. but after he helps to strip you bare and the deed has been done, does he help you redress? does he kiss you and pay as much attention to you as he did just five minutes ago (lol)? does he shower you with beautiful kisses praising you with compliments or is it that the beautiful, sexy, "romantic", god that has just partaken in